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Silver Jubilee

by Chris Lambert

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    Polycarbonate plastic disc, magically encoded with music that can only be read by lasers. I still don't even understand how they work. I know that compact discs are OVER, but come on! It's presented in a glossy digipak, and it's even plastic-wrapped, to give you that nostalgic "walking-home-from-a-Sam-Goody-in-the-1990s" feeling.

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1.
Grand Intro 00:12
(soirée chatter)
2.
Stephen Sarsaparilla Breath of French vanilla Commanding his flotilla On the open sea To the Old Country "Stephen Sarsaparilla Sells His Spanish Villa!" reads The Life and Times of a Lucky Guy Stephen Sarsaparilla Flies to South Brazil-a With his wife and his distiller On the friendly skies Completely undisguised "Stephen Sarsaparilla Hiding in Manila!" reads The Life and Times of a Lucky Guy "We've got him!" says Detective Lutz "He left a trail of cigar butts! Now rest assured, the case is shut, and that's the end of The Lucky Guy!" Stephen Sarsaparilla Takes a sleeping pill-a And his head hits the pillow Like a sleepy punching bag And in the local rags: "Stephen Sarsaparilla! Police Have Caught the Killer!" reads The Life and Times of a Lucky Guy
3.
I'm caught up in the motions Of the world around me From the bottoms of the oceans To the top of every tree I'm surrounded by the memories Of the places I've been But I'm stopping for a moment And I'm taking it in I see a row of searchlights And a banner overhead That I thought up in a dream once And remembered what it said It said, "Welcome to Chris Lambert's Silver Jubilee!" Have a drink, relax, enjoy the company It's twenty-five years since I came to life Welcome to Chris Lambert's Silver Jubilee! I'm walking down the hallway Of my house on Bradley Road And the walls are moving inward To convince me that I've grown I'm reflecting on the moments That defined me as a kid And I'm cringing at the details Of the stupid things we did And as much as I am changing I have stayed the same too And to back up what I'm claiming The experiment is you So, Welcome to Chris Lambert's Silver Jubilee! Have a drink, we're serving coffee, milk, or tea It's twenty-five years since I came to life Welcome to Chris Lambert's Silver Jubilee!
4.
Bumblebee 03:48
Honey, listen I can hear that pollen, it is callin' me Stop your hissin' I've got to get that nectar for the colony So just beehave, and wax the hive And I'll bee back at comb by five Albeeit, stumbly Honey, listen I can hear that pollen, it is callin' me Stop your hissin' I've got to get that nectar for the colony Since you're not much of a singer Shake your thorax and your stinger And come dance with me Bu-zzzz! Bu-zzzz! Honey, listen I can hear that pollen, it is callin' me Stop your hissin' I've got to get that nectar for the colony You'll get your lovin', quit your buzzin' Grab your sister and your cousin And come dance with me Bu-zzzz! Bu-zzzz! Honey, listen... I can hear that pollen, it is callin' me Stop your hissin' I've got to get that nectar for the colony Since you're not much of a singer Shake your thorax and your stinger And come dance with me BU-ZZZZ! BU-ZZZZ!
5.
One of these days, I've gotta sit right down And start working on a letter And sign the thing: "From Me To Me; "I hope I've found a place to stay And I hope I've been feeling better And finally, I hope I've seen all of the world that I am ever gonna see Well, I better've seen So help me, Me. And if the girl I'm with is gonna marry me Well, I better leave Before she leaves me I hope I had my lucky break And I broke it into pieces Shipped it back in time From me to me I hope I shipped that thing From me to me You better send that thing From me to me."
6.
Up in the sky Floating so high With 100 ballons (It's impossible!) No, my dear It's improbable Give it a try! Just come up and join me Way up in the sky Floating so high It's a lovely blue moon (It's unreachable!) No, my dear Not by dirigible Or we can try, with our 100 balloons
7.
Max and Minerva In a musty apartment watching Shark Week Minerva leans over Snags a handful of Cheetos from Max's lap Max just looks up Says, "If I were a Great White, I would eat you." Minerva just smiles Says, "If you were one, I'd be one too And we'd swim, and eat, and make little sharks We'd be like perfect machines And I know the ocean is scary and dark When I'm with you, nothing's as bad as it seems." Max and Minerva In a bayside aquarium gift shop Minerva jumps out In a rubber mask, barking like a walrus Max jumps and swears Says, "If I were a Thresher, I would cut you." Minerva just laughs Says, "You wouldn't 'cause I'd be one too And we'd swim, and eat, and make little sharks We'd be like perfect machines And I know the ocean is scary and dark When I'm with you, nothing's as bad as it seems." "Do you think we're weird? I think we're pretty weird." "I guess we're kind of weird..." "Let's swim, and eat, and make little sharks We'll be like perfect machines And although the ocean is scary and dark When I'm with you, nothing's as bad as it seems When I'm with you, we always dream the strangest things."
8.
Blossom Time 02:46
You were first in line But I had arresting guilt And it wrecked my spine But look at the walls I've built 'Cause you latched on To my freakstorm in a flash Then you moved on Like a priest who prayed to pass Or it felt that fast... You were first in line But I was ingesting guilt It was blossom time But I had to let you wilt 'Cause you latched on To my freakstorm in a flash Then you moved on Like a priest who prayed to pass You were first on every list I wrote I just couldn't get your name to leave my throat And yes, I know it's been too long But I'll try and try again 'Cause you latched on To my freakstorm in a flash Then you moved on Like a priest who prayed to pass Or it felt that fast God, I fell so fast...
9.
I am forced to dwell among Fiery beasts with tongues as sharp as arrows And I am taught from very young A man is where his ashes fall And when I storm a foreign beach I come back a hero for my service But when I turn the other cheek No one pins my medal on My arms can bend a bow of bronze I am the son of sword and gun A brother of the bomb You train my hands for battle But you preach to me in psalm I was pulled into life No one stopped to ask me what I wanted And I got stolen tonight By the very thought of it Blessed are the merciful Who cut off their own hands to stop their sinning And throw his yoke from off their necks And beat their spears to pruning shears My arms can bend a bow of bronze I am the son of sword and gun A brother of the bomb You train my hands for battle But you preach to me in psalm (I was pulled into life) Throw his yoke from off your necks And beat your spears to pruning shears Your arms can bend a bow of bronze I am the son of sword and gun A brother of the bomb You train my hands for battle But you preach to me in psalm When I go to sleep at night I pray for a better sign A clear one to set us right And I wake up in the dark
10.
No one comes down here no more It's rusty and it's cold And the scrape of sliding deck chairs Sounds like screaming from the hull The finest china falls And turns to even finer dust And the bulkhead doors, though watertight Go careening as they're crushed Calling women and children! Take yourselves into the ocean, where you'll float 'til it's light No one thought she could sink until now On a calm and placid night But she's going down by the bow Iron black against the sky As her stern begins to rise and fall No one comes down here no more It's loud, and it is wet And the smell of sulfur forms a bond With the stench of cigarette The forward funnel falls Into a great colossal splash And the flaming coals meet water Where they hiss and turn to ash Calling women and children! Take yourselves into the ocean, while your men lose their fight No one thought she could sink until now On a calm and placid night But she's going down by the bow Iron black against the sky As her stern begins to rise and fall
11.
Nearer 02:05

credits

released March 28, 2013

©2013 Dash Heart Dash Music (BMI) All rights reserved.

Tracked and Mixed between August 28, 2012 and March 27, 2013 at Radiant Radish Recording Studio in Santa Maria, CA.

All Words and Music written and performed by Chris Lambert

Vocals on 100 Balloons (It's Improbable) by Alana Rogers

Drums by Andrew Elias

Produced and Engineered by Chris Lambert

Drums Engineered by Loom Fittuce

Illustrations by Alexandra Wallace

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Chris Lambert Orcutt, California

It's weird how you heard about me.

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